Tell Your Cat Cards
An eccentric line of artisan greeting cards
that will have your entire bougie cohort whispering, "SPSPSPSPSP!"
Welcome to the interweb home of our unique, eclectic, & sarcastic art card company!
We are a seriously deranged duo of sibling artists and full-on prankster/owner/operators, dedicated to a singular mission: AMUSEMENT... our own, yours, your neighbors', your cousin's son's bestie's dog's (we really want to pet him by the way -- the dog, not your cousin, his son, or his son's bestie -- don't be crude. Leave that to us!)... anyway, SHENANIGANS & GREETING CARDS are what we provide.
(Sometimes we also provide exquisite foot massages. You cannot purchase said footsie touchings here. Wierdo. Sheesh.)
Our advertising & sales are solely promoted via the MAGICAL WIZARDRY of the internet. CONGRATULATIONS therefore on your SIDE QUEST of finding our "secret stash!" Our humor is the greatest in the land, & you won't be disappointed!
All of our designs are 100% original, organic, guaranteed not to cause hives*, better than glitterbombs, and compostable (but why would anyone want to do such a thing?!?). (*We have not consulted with professional dermatologists. Do not send our cards to those with a paper allergy. We deny any & all responsibility for hives... or for paper cuts.)
Our greeting cards are sold both individually and as specialty bundles, by pre-order. We print them and immediately ship as ordered. Please note that this process may take three to five (3-5) business days.
Our father suggests that you order a minimum of 100 to start...
he is strange, but rather wise.
Pirate Day
A gorgeous card for Pirates, or (Talk Like a) Pirate Day, or any day!
Belly Button Day
A fantastic Birthday card, proving one is mammalian
Alien Birthday
A fantastic Birthday card, which our alien overlords hope you WON'T choose
The Birthday Weasel
A Birthday card, which will prove just how unique your friend/family member is!
Not So Silent...
A card specifically for the one day a year devoted to flatulence, this also provides an important public service!
You Are in Box
A card for those confused about the best gift to give. A puzzle, wrapped inside a guessing game, folded into an enigma!
Butt Picker
Is that dude sniffing his finger?!? Probably! Pick THIS card to show just how thoughtful you REALLY are!
New Nipple Ring
We... ummm... congrats? Here's a fantastic way to remind that special someone of just how "convenient"they have become!
Party Pants
For all the "Party Poopers"in your life, this is both a lovely card and an important PSA!
Tinder Love
Frankly, we don't really care whether you swipe left OR right. We just hope you'll fall in love... with THIS card!
Cthulu Love
So you HAVE fallen in love! PROVE your feelings with THIS card! (Your beloved will treasure it FOREVER!)
MSG Me, Spanish Lover
Ahhh... love! SWEET, SWEET love! Shake your bilingual money maker and share the satisfying SUGAR RUSH with THIS card! (Yum yum!)
Hair #1: Voodoo
Part of a specialty theme/series -- collect & send them ALL, because you really are sick and twisted.
Hair #2: Memento Mori
Part of a specialty theme/series -- collect & send them ALL, because you really are sick and twisted.
Hair #3: Ferret Wigs
Part of a specialty theme/series -- collect & send them ALL, because you really are sick and twisted.
Hair #4: Love Spell
Part of a specialty theme/series -- collect & send them ALL, because you really are sick and twisted.
Weirdo
"Don't make it weird, weirdo. " "Don't make me make it weird, weirdoer!"
Ginger Day
Who's your fave redhead? Better be meeeeee (but you ought to send a superduper card to every "ginger" you know)!
Burfday Dawgs
Who's a good boi -- or gurl?
Who's got a burfday?
The "VD Frog"
It's a Valentine's Day card! It's a guessing game!
It's an oddity from the farthest reaches of some previously unseen tropical paradise!
Aliens & Apologies
Get out your aluminum foil hats and cover up your bums... there's probing to be apologized for!
Hottie Haiku
We want to say that this card's name speaks for itself, particularly because we're uncertain it ought to legally speak for anyone or anything else...
A Whale of a Greeting
This card is worthy of multiple read-throughs. We hope it confounds your nemeses and titilates your friends!
DnD Hook-Up
Too shy to come right out at that LARPing Convo and say what's on your mind? Let us assist in your quest! (We make exemplary wing persons!)
Watch for more...
Great fun coming soon!
Watch for more...
Great fun coming soon!
Watch for more...
Great fun coming soon!
PRICING (Does not include S/H)
1 card/envelope -- $3
5 cards/envelopes -- $13
10 cards/envelopes -- $24
20 cards/envelopes -- $44
50 cards/envelopes -- $80
SHIPPING/HANDLING
1 card/envelope -- $1
5-10 cards/envelopes -- $5
20+ cards/envelopes -- $10
ANY international orders: S/H is doubled
STATE TAXES
Will be added to the cost of all card orders before S/H costs for United States orders, based on purchaser's address. For international orders, Florida sales taxes will be applied.
Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California
4% 0% 5.60% 6.50% 7.25%
Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia
2.90% 6.35% 0% 6%
Florida Georgia Guam Hawaii Idaho
6% 4% 4% 4.17% 6%
Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky
6.25% 7% 6% 6.50% 6%
Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan
4.45% 5.50% 6% 6.25% 6%
Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska
6.88% 7% 4.23% 0% 5.50%
Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York
6.85% 0% 6.63% 5.13% 4%
N. Carolina N. Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon
4.75% 5% 5.75% 4.50% 0%
Pennsylvania Puerto Rico Rhode Island S. Carolina S. Dakota
6% 10.50% 7% 6% 4%
Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia
7% 6.25% 5.95% 6% 5.30%
Washington W. Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming
6.50% 6% 5% 4%
The creative geniuses here at Tell Your Cat Cards (AKA: seriously deranged duo of sibling artists & full-on pranksters) would LOVE to hear from you. Maybe. Probably.
Feel free to contact them with accolades (& kudos, particularly the granola bars which went by that moniker. We miss them. They were delicious):
ViciousJay@tellyourcatcards.com
Stefani@tellyourcatcards.com